It’s not always black and white when dealing with divorce decisions. That may be a real pain in the neck, but if you look at it closely, it gives you the opportunity to think long and hard about the path you’re pursuing, which can inevitably change the entire course of your life. Rather than dismissing dilemmas in decisions, acknowledge them. Don’t rush into the split to get it over and done with. There are no band-aid solutions for relationship problems. If you find yourself in these dilemmas, read through some suggestions on how you can think things through:
“I want a divorce, but I’m not sure if it’s right.”
There are lots of reasons you may feel like you’re making a bad decision. The most common is the kids. It’s well-documented that divorce can have a negative impact on the children. You probably worry that they’ll grow unloved, untrusting of people, and bitter at the world. If this is what’s holding you back, know that it’s not the divorce per se that makes children unstable and unhappy. It’s the constant conflict between parents. If you and your spouse really can’t work things out, getting a divorce may be the best favor you can give to your children.
Another reason you may think divorce isn’t right is religion. You probably were raised in a conservative family who believes that no one can separate a man and a woman whom a Higher Being joined together. If this is you, it’s likely that you’ve exhausted all means to keep the marriage intact, only to see it fall apart again and again. Maybe there’s infidelity. Perhaps there’s abuse. In this case, wouldn’t religion dictate compassion for oneself? The bottom line of all this is, pinpoint what it is that’s making you uneasy about your decision. From there, unpack the reasons for your anxiety so you can move forward.
“I don’t want a divorce, yet my spouse does.”
It’s never easy to be the ‘dumpee’. It throws you into this pit of helplessness and self-pity. You feel like you have no control whatsoever about this tragedy that’s about to happen in your life. But in truth, there’s something that’s totally in your hands: how you react and act. You might not be able to keep your spouse from serving you divorce papers, but you can keep yourself from being bitter and angry at him. You can’t do anything about him painting you as a bad wife in court later, but you can certainly get an experienced family lawyer in Denver, CO who can defend you strongly in front of the judge.
Remember, it takes two to make a marriage work. If you’ve tried asking for second chances, only to be dismissed, accept the reality that indeed, the relationship is over. Don’t focus on what you can’t change, but rather, what you can control.
“I want a divorce, but I’m not sure if I can get by alone.”
Perhaps you worry about your finances. That the divorce process will drain your savings. That you can’t find a good job anymore, being out of the professional field for so long an d taking care of the kids all these years. Or maybe, your worry is more on the relationship aspect. That you can’t stand not having someone by your side. So you do want a divorce, but are hesitating to act on it because of the risks of being alone. The thing is, it’s only overwhelming because it’s a huge step of change and you’re uncertain about what will life be after. But the good news is, you will get used to it in a few months and years. You will find comfort in your new normal, eventually. Surely. Ask close family and friends for support.
It’s never easy to decide to break up with someone. Especially if it’s with a spouse you’ve known for years. But it’s better to listen to your decision dilemmas than to silence them. You have a far better chance at finding clarity with this move.